September 30, 2010

Confession of a guilty mom


I will be the first to admit, I like nice things. I want my children to have the best of everything - including the opportunity to attend the best schools. Since the moment Rylee was born, I've thought about the day she would start kindergarten. I just knew she would attend private school, and a great one at that. So, when the time came to enroll her in kindergarten, I did just that. I enrolled her in a private school that I loved. I was excited & looked forward to the first day of school. The closer it got to the new school year, I began to talk to different people about schools. Not only did I speak to moms, but a lot of teachers as well. Believe me, they all had opinions about the schools around here- both public and private. The more and more I discussed it, the more I was unsure about my decision to have Rylee attend private school. For two months, I prayed and prayed. I toured several public schools and one day I did it - I called the private school, withdrew Ry, and enrolled her in public school. A school that is very diverse, a school that was not as nice as the private school, a school that relied on government funding. Fancy? No! But she was enrolled and I was going to give it a chance. That's the least I can do, right? I left kindergarten orientation with a sick feeling.... I was in a culture shock. I kept thinking, "what have I done? Is this really where I am going to send my baby to school?" I gave up Ry's seat at the private school for this? I was literally sick for weeks. The first day of school came quick. {Too quick}  I dropped her off and she loved it. She had the best day! If she was happy, I was happy - or so I told myself. A few weeks into school, I went to eat lunch with her. She was so excited that I was there! The way her eyes lit up as she introduced me to her new friends, kids that normally she would have never met, but as I sat there and watched her interact with these new friends, I began to tear up. She doesn't know about rich, poor, upper class or middle class. She doesn't know that half these kids are without fathers, or that their mothers are on welfare. She doesn't know that some of these kids don't have any parents. All she knows, these are her new friends and she loves them. All the sleepless nights were for nothing. My child embraced these kids with all the love she has in her heart, and she is proud to call them her friends. I left after lunch and cried.. . .cried because I was the one who had issues with the social status of this school.. . .  I cried because I was afraid to send her to the "not so fancy" school, cried because she was happy to be there and make new friends. . . .no matter where they came from or what they had. 

 I learned a lot from my 5 yr old that day. I'm so proud of her, and hope she continues to be the sweet, tender-hearted girl she is today. 

xoxo

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